Getting into university is hard enough at the best of times - but when your chosen institution is a work of fiction you're really up against.
即便是在最好的時代，考入大學也是挺困難的事兒，要是你選的學校還是小說中虛構的學校，那就難上加難了。

And that's why this young joker's UCAS application to Hogwarts University was unsuccessful.
這也正是這位惡作劇的的年輕人沒能通過英國高校招生機構UCAS成功申請到霍格沃茨魔法學院（Hogwarts University）的原因。

But the admissions services' response to the prankster is hilarious.
但UCAS給這個搗蛋鬼的回信更加讓人忍俊不禁。

The unnamed A-Level student wrote a handwritten note to UCAS asking for a place studying 'Wandology' at the Harry Potter school.
這位匿名的英國高考生給UCAS手寫了一個申請表，申請去哈利?波特（Harry Potter）所在的學校攻讀“魔杖學”。

In the application, he boasted of his proficiency in "wearing a pointy hat" and "Watching Paul Daniels TV Specials".
在申請表中，他夸耀自己在“戴尖帽”、“觀看保羅?丹尼爾斯（Paul Daniels）的魔術電視專題節目”上頗有建樹。

UCAS replied: "We regret to inform you that your application to the stated establishment cannot be processed at this time due to the fact that it does not exist.
UCAS回復說：“我們很遺憾地通知您，您的學校申請現在無法辦理。原因是該校并不存在。”

"After consultation with our mystic advisors we have also determined that even if it did exist, the course 'Wandology' would be highly in demand and hence require at least two As and a B in any of the following subjects:
“同我們的魔法顧問協商后，我們還確定，即便該校存在，‘魔杖學’這一課程的競爭一定會非常激烈，因此要求在以下科目中拿到至少兩個A和一個B。”

Advanced Spellcrafting
高等魔咒寫作

Mystimatics
魔法學

Defence Against the Dark Arts
黑魔法防御術

History of the Occult
魔法史

Shaft Design
魔杖設計

"Your hand written grade sheet claiming top marks in 'Waving a stick about', 'Wearing a pointy hat' and 'Watching Paul Daniels TV Specials' sadly is not suitable for submission, however by applying through clearing you may be suitable for a selection of Liberal Arts courses.
“您的手寫成績單提及您在‘揮舞木棍’、‘戴尖帽’和‘觀看保羅?丹尼爾斯的魔術電視專題節目’這三門科目上成績頗高，但很遺憾，上述成績并不符合申請要求。但如果您通過補錄程序申請空缺名額，您可能適合學習某些文科課程。”

"Alternatively you may wish to resubmit next year by tying your letter to an owl and hoping for the best.
“或者您可能愿意明年繼續申請，那么請您務必將您的信件綁在貓頭鷹上，祝您好運。”

"On behalf of UCAS I wish you every success."
“謹代表UCAS祝您一切順利。”

Vocabulary

prankster：惡作劇的人

occult：神秘學

shaft：桿狀物

clearing：英國UCAS補錄程序

英文來源：鏡報

譯者：白潔

審校&編輯：劉明